I don't like kids all that much, but i realize they are necessary for mankind to advance, so i try to tolerate them. In 3rd grade, a black kid gave me a wedgie. I knew right then and there that i probably wasnt going to like kids.
Some people tell me i have a big head. I agree with them, but dang thats just rude.
My hobbies include fishing, acrobatics, aeronomics, chemistry, studying gay people, collecting Benadryl, and stealing checks out of peoples checkbooks. I also lie about myself to try to impress strangers.
I knew this guy once who told me he thought that Tums and Rolaids tasted like candy. I was like, "Dude, you need to taste this Kit-Kat and shut your chalky mouth."
My thermometer tastes bad.
Whenever i open any kind of packaged meat, i do my best not to smell in the bag. But then i start to worry that it could be bad meat, so i take a whiff. Then i realize i don't even know what bad turkey smells like, so i throw it out to be safe.
Last Wednesday i learned that you can take your temperature by putting the thermometer under your tongue. I REALLY wish someone would have told me that sooner.
Sometimes i want to type like this, but im afraid it might offend black people.
I hate public restrooms. In my opinion, if you can smell something nasty, then the air from that person's nastiness has entered your nose...and we all know that air goes into your lungs, which means it brushes against the back of your tongue. That means the tainted air that was inside a strangers body, is now in my MOUTH. That should be against the law.
One time i was at Best Buy, and i bought a spray bottle of canned air to spray the dust out of my keyboard. Then i got home and realized i had just bought AIR IN A CAN...and somewhere there is a billionaire on a yacht telling his 3 girlfriends how he got rich by inventing a can full of nothing.
Never spray Canned Air into your eyelid. Actually...never spray Canned Air into your body period...but especially your eyelid.
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