If you are like me, nothing feels more satisfying than extending your middle finger into the air at someone as they are walking away from you. But if you are like me, sometimes the person turns back around really quick, and you dont have time to put your finger away.
If you are ever caught giving someone the middle finger, there is a way out of it. This will take some quick reacting, but just as they turn around and see your big hairy finger in their face, stay calm, and say "Hey you got a little somethin'...right there....on the tip...right there on your nose..." Then do a little scraping motion with the exposed finger, and say, "You want me to get it for ya?"
If that doesn't work...run.
But most of the time it will. Rarely do they ever actually let you scrape their nose for them. But even if they do, whats the harm? Its not like they ever had anything on there in the first place!...Well, occasionally they did have a small something on there, but i just figured it was dried milk from when they were drinking the milk out of their cereal bowl, and i go ahead and scratch it off. (Even if you are a little obsessive compulsive, there really is no need to taste and see if its milk. Its not..........Its snot...get it?) Anyways, sometimes it is obviously NOT milk, and you can see that from the onset, but you are in this position where you have to mentally go somewhere else, and just scratch it off...so thats when i pretend like its a scratch off lottery ticket, and i love those things, so i generally dont mind scratching it. Once i even convinced myself so well that it was a scratch off ticket, that i pulled out a quarter and may have scratched some of the skin off. I didnt win anything though.
But i know what you are thinking....Jeremy what if i have found myself in this horrifying situation, and the milk and scratch off ticket methods and just not helping me out. Obviously there is only one other option...you scratch the clean part of their nose, and pretend you got it. I have found though, that sometimes, the person does not completely trust that you scraped them properly, and they will reach to their nose on their own to feel around for a problem. QUICKLY grab their arm, and dont let them. Just assure them that you took care of it. Offer them some Captain Crunch for distraction. You'll want to take all attention OFF your original statement about something being on their nose. An old trick of mine, is to play the spoons...but this really only works if you are naked and in a grocery store late at night.
A few other options here are...
1. Say, "LETS RACE", and start to run...but then look back and see if they are racing you, and stop if they arent so you dont look stupid. If they are, well you are probably going to lose since you took the time to stop and turn around.
2. Talk about Britney Spears. Usually people have opinions about her, and more than once in my life, i have known i had something on my nose, and forgotten to get it, because of an overwhelming Britney Spears story.
3.....umm.....skip three for now.....
4. Show them the elastic on your underwear. Its just so odd, yet a little bit sexy. (watch out for the wedgie on this one)
5.....just ah....tell them........tell them you.....wait lets go back to number three now.
3.......................................I tend to think of myself as a fountain of information. But sometimes fountains go dry. OOOOH!!! Tell them you have a Chocolate Fountain at home, and invite them for Chocolate Fondue.
Now back to #5
5.............................. ..................... .... ......................um take three........take three black.....people.......no.....not that.....take ten pinecones....and pretend they are grenades.........no....thats stupid.....juggle the pinecones..... yeah...no....hard to juggle ten of anything, much less prickly pinecones......go back to the black people....have them each juggle three pinecones, and you juggle one pinecone (or just wave it around, the focus wont be on you at this point)....and while they are juggling..........start singing the song PINECONES, by Clay Aiken but before you get to the chorus, start faking a seizure.
At this point, there is no way anyone is going to still be thinking about your middle finger.
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